Recess Rant for Aug 7th

2. Recess Rant

One thing kickball brings to the table that not many other competitive or social sports can lay claim to is interaction with beautiful women, short shorts, garter belts, pig tails, ideas concerning the improper use of a pump and welcomed disingenuous intentions.

Now, as wonderful that all sounds, it’s not easy getting used to that kind of atmosphere when you are trying to concentrate.

While I’m not going to sit here and talk about how men are generally better athletes — mostly because I’m smarter than that — I am going to say ladies have some obvious tools in this game that the gentlemen just don’t. For example …

You’re playing left field and your coach tells everyone to move in because one of the ladies is kicking. Just after you do as you’re told, you start thinking, “Whoa, is she wearing underwear? Could those shorts be any shorter? I wonder what they would be called if they were shorter? If she were wearing underwear, I wonder if it would match her team color? Hey, look at that, the ball is going over my head. I wonder if I should go get that? Naaaaaa, I’ve got a good view right here. Man, I bet she has really soft hair.” And just like that, you’ve cost your team the game because you have the attention span of David Hasselhoff in a brewery.

As a matter of fact, my third baseman came up to me while I was pitching and said, “Can you please roll her the ball slowly, I like her. Don’t worry, I’ll still get her out.” Well my third baseman ended up accidentally kicking the ball and falling flat on his face while his hoped-for prize cruised effortlessly into first. So remember guys, before you underestimate a lady on the kickball field, realize that she has been unconsciously hypnotizing simpletons like us longer than we have been playing sports.

The full “Bill of Writes” Story can be found here.

Story pulled from “Bill of Writes: What’s a little psychosis among friends?
Aug. 7, 2009
By Casey Johnson
SPiN Contributor