Good Evening kickballers,
Hope all is well in the midst of Hurricane Irene's encore on Richmond tonight. Fuckin' whore, how did she get back down here? She almost flooded my damn truck tonight. Anyways, hopefully this won't deter Henrico Co. from us using the fields aka rusted playground lot on Thursday. A couple things about this before I get into the power rankings. If anyone is willing to help me I am gonna try and move some of that shit in the middle of the field into the dumpster before the games. As I said before, it’s an argument and injury waiting to happen which can be avoided if we get it out of the way. If someone runs into a dumpster or kicks a ball in one well 1, your a dumbass or 2, you are fuckin' awesome and should be kicking for the Redskins in place of Gano. That said, on to the power rankings.
1. Buc Nasty, 2-0-0
Again, not much change here nor alot to talk about. 2 weeks in a row they have delivered a five finger slap to the face with little or no retort. Given Bruce of the Rusted Flutes raised a little stink here and there verbally, however it did not aid the internal bleeding from the kick to the chest the dying trombones received. The stickiest of the icky remains at the top for now with an angry WSS and happy SK on their heels.
2. Scared Kickless, 2-0-0
SK remains at second for now regardless of a close and apparently controversial game with the Baggers. Some days SK can tack on 10 quick and other days they have defensive battles but for now they have been coming out on top. Experience plays a big key on this team and Mel seems to have her team right in line this fall. This week they face a raw and talented Hot Asses who are gaining ground quick.
3. Why So Serious, 3-0-0
Out of the games I watched (reffed their first) I have to say I am very impressed with Team Angry Mutes. Surprisingly i was able to get a few words out of them, even if was an update on runs scored. They actually seem to be good guys, just keep to themselves like 7th graders at a high school dance. Not exactly your typical WAKA rage face alcoholics. I will say though their pitcher, who should be in the PBA for the way he pitches, is fuckin' angry about something. This guy didn't crack a smile or show any emotion the entire game. His catcher even expressed, "yeah this guy takes pitching and his level of seriousness to an extreme." I appreciate anyone that wants to win but damn, this guy’s backend is as tight as a virgin's beefhole. (ahhh, too soon?, gotta mix this thing up a little bit) Anyways, team angry mutes are hot and on the heels of SK and Charlie Murphaayyyy.
4. Brocery Bags, 1-2-0
The Baggers are gonna sit at 4th for now regardless of a 2 game drop. Almost knocking off the reigning champs means something even if their gimpy peg leg captain Duce wasn’t able to play. A pulled hamstring? Really? I forget what the exact diagnosis you gave me was but it was the equivalent of someone saying I have a deep tissue contusion when in all reality it’s a fucking bruise. You sound like Nate now with his ‘tard shoulder. Blow dry that bleeding vag and get back on the horse. Side note, I saw Annie Frank catch numerous balls. Looks like this kid is finally exiled from the showers and ready to play some kickball. Good job Anne and good thing, you play some wiley old veterans in the Woody Wheatley connection hot off a W and Preparation H.
5. 30 Seconds, 1-2-0
Team dance off pants off came back with a vengeance as expected and earns the 5th spot. Given it was against Chuck’s butterfly kisses but a W is a W and it sounds like they opened up a can of whooooop ass, brought to you by Captain Insano and the shuffle. Garda finally got someone to dance with him (or at least in a circle) so all is well again in the land of Garda Jekyll and the Golden Boombox..for now…..until the meds run out. (Patient First doesn’t prescribe 90 day refills apparently, sorry Jeck)
6. Hot Assets, 1-0-1
Right along with Team Mute, team Franzen and the hot asses were pretty impressive. As I said before, very raw but there is definitely talent here, no question. Best part of watching them was while filling in for James Whit Clements at field ref, one of their newbies corrected me on a call the homeplate ump made. For the life of me I can’t remember what it was but fuck, this guy knew his shit in the rulebook, front to back. Keep an eye on these guys, their Asses are hotter than two hampsters farting in a wool sock. -dropping Farmville knowledge since 1979.
7. Justin Thyme 1-1-0
The Woody-Wheatley connection strapped on their Depends last week, snorted a line or two of extenze, and rebounded quickly over a million man march of NIM. I haven’t gotten a chance to watch them yet but if they can stay hot they may be taking a wooden spoon to Anne and Ducey’s ass this Thursday to move further up the ranks. Watch out for the splinters Baggers.
8. KIOS 1-1-0
One week they roid up and rage on someone, the next they are hitting the jeeba and high fiving the stars. What gives KIOS, are you taking Garda Jekyll’s potion for massive bipolar disorder? Anyways, I expect a full rage session and possible shanking on me again when I enter Gus’ this Thursday for your drop in the ranks.
9. 3 Kickers Club 1-1-0
Looks like a teeny little fire lit in their dark stars this week as the CapOne newbies decided to reach deep in their wallets and play border control against Team UN and get their first W. Good job guys, and if you need ID’s to get into Gus’ get up with Busch the Squirrelmaster. He is a wiz with the computer and photoshop.
10. Rusted Flutes
Sucks for these guys, they have had 2 tough games. I fully expect Bruce to get his team of ex Golden Showers together but for now they move down. Facing a little more ease this week in KIOS may bring the confidence they need, and deliver R Kelly’s squirt like they use to. We shall see.
11. NIM 0-1-1
What can I say, I have still have faith in this squad but a million man march is a million man march. Tough to hide on Henrico’s playgrounds. I expect them to snap out of it but when the Squirrel Master, Ageless Olsen, and the coalition of gingers are only getting one at bat per game, it will be very difficult to put up anything substantial on the board. Defense will need to begin to play a part for this team or they will hang at the back of the bus with Diana Angelou’s 3rd World and the Dolphin King.
12. Colonel’s UN of the 3rd World 1-1-0
From what I thought was going to be a formidable has soon dropped. A forfeit win and legitimate loss doesn’t earn any spots. I don’t doubt for one second this team won’t be fun to play against this Thursday, but even Diana Angelou expressed little faith in her team of border hoppers.
13. The Dude 0-2-0
I will always have love for my former teammates, even if they consider me a traitor and don’t talk to me at the fields now. I hate to put them at the back but watching a little bit of their game this week they unfortunately are going to struggle. They may surprise me as the power of the dolphin may rise within the butterflies and prove me wrong. Stranger things have happened in kickball. Trust me. Hell, Mclovin got caught twice banging hairpie in the bathroom last spring. Tell me dreams can’t come true in this league!
So there it is folks, if you don’t like it, well, buy me a beer or 10 at Gus’ Thursday and maybe that’ll sway my decision. Until then, see ya at the fields Thursday. Be sure to spike your Yoohoo!