Week 5 Power Rankings

[Power Monger]

1. Scared Kickless - Damn Gina. That was some kind of beating SK unleashed this past week. 23 - 2 is a very "AU-esque" victory. Man you guys are dicks. Remember
(prev - 2, +1)

2. Brocery Bags - Moving them down a spot has absolutely nothing to do with the way they played and everything to do with vicious ass-whooping that Sk delivered on its opponent. With a pretty easy schedule from here on out they'll probably have to wait for SK to falter if they want to reclaim the top spot. Either that or deliver a equally impressive pimp-slapping on an opponent themeselves.
(prev - 1, -1)

3. Blackout - A statement victory for Blackout definitely gives them a boost. With no real opponent to speak of for the remainder of the season they have a real good chance of going undefeated barring something devastating...like Petros not showing up one week. What asshole gave them such an cake schedule...oh wait....whoops.
(prev - 3, +3)

4. Sleeve Monsters - I'm not back on their bandwagon again yet but certainly an improved offensive showing by SM. They'll need to continue to build on that if they want to make a play for the top spot again at some point.
(prev - 4, no change)

5. Derelicte Our Balls - Another sound victory for the D-Balls. Their Brilliant strategist and ruggedly handsome captain really has them firing on all cylinders. Much like the HOFNARs they'll need to beat a higher ranked team to move up...unless a higher ranked team falters on their own.
(prev - 5, no change)

6. O.F. - "Remember thou are mortal....remember thou art mortal". Big reality check for O.F. this week. When the top of their lineup struggles they are rendered impotent.
(prev - 3, -3)

7. HOFNARs - HOFNARs are rolling. They'll have to beat a higher ranked team though if they want to rise higher though.
(prev - 7, no change)

8. KIOS - Nothing to be ashamed of dropping a 4 to 1 loss to a really strong Brocery Bags teams. They'll have a chance to bounce back against a struggling My Couch.
(prev - 8, no change)

9. Alive and Kickin - Strong pitching is about the only thing that really seems to be going for this team right now.
(prev - 9, no change)

10. Pitches Be Crazy - Nice little moral victory (and actual victory) for Pitches bring them to an even .500
(prev - 11, +1)

11. Three Kicks Mafia - Looks like they shat the bed this week. According to their scorebook they had a couple run lead that they blew in the 5th inning. Seems to be the trend.
(prev - 10, -1)

12. Diesel Train - Killer schdule for poor Diesel isn't going to give them much of a chance to build some confidence
(prev - 12, no change)

13. My Couch Pulls Out - Came about as close as one can get to forefitting this week. How does a team with 14 girls struggle to have 4 of them show up.
(prev - 13, no change)

14. Kick Me Baby - You were supposed to win that one guys. Oh well. I do expect this team to continue to improve. The top of their lineup is solid but they will likely continue to struggle to get back up to it in games.
(prev - 15, +1)

15. KINS - Hey, you haven't lost every game. That's something.
(prev - 16, +1)

16. Kick Tease - Wow. 23 - 2. That's abysmal. I don't care how good the team you play against is. I'm putting you last because not only do you deserve it but you also royally screwed up / skewed stats in favor of SK in pretty much every category. Get your shit together Kick Tease.
(prev - 14, -2)

[bearFight]

I know it's too soon to talk about it, but I'll take the #1 seed in the playoffs over the #1 power ranking any day. As a recent Ohio State grad, I HATE being thought of as the #1 team... ever.

Don't be surprised if we have some closer games these next 4 weeks than expected. I'm lobbying for us to flip our lineup on its head.

[Darkness]

So would you say BLACKOUT is in the Big East, or are in more of a Mountain West type situation here?

[bearFight]

I'd say Mountain West because they actually play a good team every once in a while... For example Boise State played and beat Va Tech in 2010, Georgia in 2011... and they at least go undefeated, or nearly undefeated.

The Big East just plays each other and sucks. Thought I guess Cincinnati played against Tennessee this year, and got their asses kicked... That's pretty sad. The Big East is a clusterfuck that ends up with terrible records. NOT LIKE US

[bearFight]

After 4 games, let's consider the top 7 teams, and their records against the rest of the top 7:

Record Team
1-0-0 BLACKOUT
1-0-1 Brocery Bags
0-0-1 Derelicte My Balls
0-0-0 HOFNARs
0-1-1 O.F.
0-0-1 Scared Kickless
0-1-0 Sleeve Monsters

In the results not listed above, the teams are a combined 19-0-1. HOFNARs tied MCPO, and so should be immediately at the bottom of the list. Sorry, guys.

From there... if you think about it, OF and Sleeve Monsters should be at 5 and 6, so it seems like you're underselling yourself at #5.

From here, you have two teams remaining to think about. DMB and SK just have a tie each, and both seem to put up a boatload of runs against bad teams every week. BLACKOUT and Brocery Bags have wins against others of the top 7, but don't seem to throw up a ton of runs. I can see why you would value offense highly in a game like kickball where rankings are concerned, but what really matters at the end of the season is how you compete against the best teams in the league. After all, rounds 2-4 of the playoffs will be these 7 teams plus one more (KIOS? Pitches be Crazy?) squaring off against each other. Based on the results, strength of schedule, record against "ranked teams" etc. (using my WAKA BCS calculator, of course), I'd have to go with:

7. HOFNARs (Mountain West)
6. O.F.
5. Sleeve Monsters
4. Derelicte My Balls
3. Scared Kickless
2. BLACKOUT
1. Brocery Bags

That is all.

[Darkness]

Hey Garda, can you use the kickball.com website to send an email to all of the team captains to let them know that we disagree with the Power Rankings. That should get this matter the attention it deserves!

[bearFight]

I've actually sent an e-mail to the entire WAKA community around the country including all of the other WAKA league representatives, their bosses, etc. to voice my displeasure with these power rankings. I left out our own league since we already have access to this information.

[Jay]

Suck it blackout.

I don't want to just beat you in a rain make up. I want to beat you in a rain make up and in playoffs.

You can't spell blackout without the word "out", which all of your players will be when you face us. I'm going to get some white out and erase any trace of your existence.

[bearFight]

Cool Story, Jay. It only took you 12 days to think of all that? I'm impressed.

Correction, though. When we play you, only 12 of us will be out. I know how much you guys like to bat first, and we'll let you. If "all of us" were out, I guess that would mean we cycled through our entire order once, had exactly 12 people there, and (obviously) outscored you. I guess that makes sense.

I hope you have fun getting to the playoffs with the 6 seed, and then needing to beat the 11 (whoever that is), then Scared Kickless, then Brocery Bags, just to face us in the finals. By then we'll still be strong because our livers are actually practiced, and you pussies will be falling over having heat strokes because you thought you could keep up. Forfeiting in the finals will be pretty shameful, don't you think?

[Jay]

You are right....I have it wrong......3 up 3 down for five innings..... will be 15 people... so technically your last 4-5 people won't be out. My apologies.

As for our livers.....don't you knock on our livers. We have quite a few that can go the distance.... One of our girls even showed up to a rivercity football game completely hammered two weeks ago and still covered her girl like white on rice.

We will even take shots with you before our finals game.

[MadDogMel]

As for our livers.....don't you knock on our livers. We have quite a few that can go the distance.... One of our girls even showed up to a rivercity football game completely hammered two weeks ago and still covered her girl like white on rice.

Yay, Joy!!! Awesome performance!!!

[bearFight]

Don't call out impressive girl-drinking stories like they can be backed up by fact. Your girlfriend's testimony is inadmissible. I'll throw a drunk Lucy Carrig and Kelly Marron against any two of your girls sober on a football field any day. Turns out, that doesn't mean anything in this discussion. Because I'm digressing from the liver conversation and into sports... I apologize.

I will most definitely take shots with you before the finals, if you guys make it to the finals. I'm really excited to see you lay down in the outfield and throw up on yourself... or bunt to third and try to run to first but fall over three times, get out, and then come back to homeplate thinking it was a ball and say "please don't make me do that again. please???". Oh wait... That was Mad Dog being impressive. I've never seen the same from you.

You turned down a beer on Sunday at SCOR, and you didn't even have a soccer game. That's depressing. Get your life together, or I'll get it together for you.

[MadDogMel]

... or bunt to third and try to run to first but fall over three times, get out, and then come back to homeplate thinking it was a ball and say "please don't make me do that again. please???". Oh wait... That was Mad Dog being impressive. I've never seen the same from you.

Memories... or lack there of

[bearFight]

... or bunt to third and try to run to first but fall over three times, get out, and then come back to homeplate thinking it was a ball and say "please don't make me do that again. please???". Oh wait... That was Mad Dog being impressive. I've never seen the same from you.

Memories... or lack there of

Easily my fondest memory of you, and top 3 WAKA memory in my short career...

[Jay]

You turned down a beer on Sunday at SCOR, and you didn't even have a soccer game. That's depressing. Get your life together, or I'll get it together for you.

It's WAKA day baby.....so my life is officially back together.... And it's only one week away from when we play that Scared team.

HOFNARS we are coming for you!!! hide yo kids....hide yo wife!!!!

[bearFight]

HOFNARS we are coming for you!!! hide yo kids....hide yo wife!!!!

More like hide your boners. Jay's lickin' his chops at the thought of some hard-ons. Maybe HOFNARs should bring him some popsicles to keep him distracted?

[Jay]

Tonight would be a good night to wear my speedo

[Bunt Chaser]

Well Blackout really shit the bed. Any other cool updates on "Power" teams?!?

[bearFight]

Derelicte my Balls also lost to 3 Kicks Mafia, despite all the cheat codes DMB pulled on its gameshark. And Scared Kickless tied this group of douchebags called... what is it? Alive and Kickin'? OH SHIT! that's you, Jody? Jesus... Nice work, brotha!

Brocery bags beat Diesel Train 3-2 in a very close one. My Couch Pulls Out forfeited to KIOS. What else... that's about all i know.

[ashleyhoo05]

I heard that OF won a close one over KMBOMT.

Great night on the field for A&K. We have an awesome coach and team. Don't count us out!

[a wed wose]

Well Blackout really shit the bed. Any other cool updates on "Power" teams?!?

[bearFight]

Well Blackout really shit the bed. Any other cool updates on "Power" teams?!?

[peckerslap time!]

I will most definitely take shots with you before the finals, if you guys make it to the finals. I'm really excited to see you lay down in the outfield and throw up on yourself... or bunt to third and try to run to first but fall over three times, get out, and then come back to homeplate thinking it was a ball and say "please don't make me do that again. please???".

This amuses me ... wasn't it your 1st (and 2nd) seasons as Brocery Bags that you guys couldn't even hang at the Liger playoff pregame? I was finishing all your JOOSE and Jack Daniel's cuz none of you young bucks could handle a morning pregame after a rough friday.

Shit is weak.

[bearFight]

This amuses me ... wasn't it your 1st (and 2nd) seasons as Brocery Bags that you guys couldn't even hang at the Liger playoff pregame? I was finishing all your JOOSE and Jack Daniel's cuz none of you young bucks could handle a morning pregame after a rough friday.

Shit is weak.

Yeah. We were pretty weak back then. I was sort of a pussy in college... but I've strengthened/destroyed my liver in the past year and a half. You won't see a sorry performance like that from me again.

To be fair, I was also driving that day. I'm a law-abiding citizen.